In less than 4 days I will be in my own bed, my own house, probably watching Grey's Anatomy and bingeing on home-cooked meals. I need home, and familiarity, and everything I've spent these last few months determinedly acting out against. Pretending not to care is getting old. I do care. I care a lot, actually. And I'm done running away from my capacity to love, hurt, feel.
Going home used to terrify me. Which is strange, because isn't home where you're supposed to feel safe and whole and sheltered from real-world responsibilities? For me, it was an experience of overwhelming nostalgia. I wanted to drive to the beach, walk down the halls of my high school, curl up in a ball on the couch and let my parents stroke my hair and make me hot tea. It felt like I was going backwards, a tourist in my own past, a visitor in my own home. So I got away, and I stayed away for as long as I could.
I don't think I've ever truly been homesick in my life. But I've experienced a sudden change of heart. Now, 4 days cannot come fast enough. If you find yourself traveling back there--wherever 'home' might be--this week, here's a playlist to get you through that final stretch of flights, drives, miles, minutes, steps. Indulge in this time with your friends and family. Be THANKFUL in the fact that no matter how far we drift, home will be waiting for us. Because no matter how much we try and fight it, it's impossible to forget the first places and people that shaped who we are today.